Why I’m Wearing a Ring (But Not Married)
My Grade 9 History Teacher (God rest his soul) had a story of his friend who purposely wore a wedding ring.
The friend hated the attention of getting hit on. So much, that he went out of his way to start wearing one on his left ring finger.
In my case, I'm not trying to repel, more so attract.
In a conversation with Grok as I laid in my Japanese hostel bed, I reflected about the idea of purchasing a ring and start wearing it on my ring finger.
Why now? Why am I considering buying myself a ring to wear?
Succumbing To Peer Pressure
Upon looking at my friend group, I'm wanting to course correct from any negative influence that is sub-optimal from the highest good that is a long term relationship: marriage.
I am human. Of course, I have fleeting desires of wanting to indulge in short-term relationships. Or even hookups for that matter...
To have those thoughts is to acknowledge them for what they are, just thoughts. An integration of the Shadow.
But look at everyone around you. The culture itself. You feel as though you're missing out on the experience of short-term sexual pleasure.
What is the cost of indulging in such hookup culture? To act in a way that approves that short term whims of your peers?
So, I don't play the game. A rejection of modern hookup culture is to disapprove of it.
Making A Vow To Myself
In a poetic way, I'm buying the ring to make a vow with myself. To continue to aim upwards. To not succumb to the hedonism of short-term casual relationships.
Talking with Grok, I thought placing the ring on the left hand. Then, I remembered the story of my History teacher's friend. It's not a good look for a person wearing a wedding ring chatting someone up.
But, I'm fortunate that I have two hands. Thus, I would wear it on my right hand.
Talking of it, I remember at times during school fascinated when girls would wear rings on their right ring finger. I never asked what it symbolises.
I also remember my cello teacher wore a gold ring on her right hand. The girls learning string instruments would asked if she was engaged or married. The answer was no.
And during all of high school, I tended to trust teachers more if they wore a wedding ring. As to why, I believe that it takes a level of organisation and conscientiousness to balance a meaningful relationship with the demands of a career like teaching.
It's a generalisation; maybe call it a heuristic.
As dumb as it sounds, by physically seeing myself have the ring I would have a different perception of myself.
Someone who is responsible. Getting his house in order. Making a vow with himself to commit to all that is good (God).
Again, I couldn't be living a life indulging in hedonism while wearing such ring. And you might say how can such object hold such meaning? It's a signpost, a gentle reminder of the principle and aim I set for myself.
You can say something cheesy,
"I'm married to the game."
Perhaps it can act as a repellant for those looking for short-term relationships?
Other observations I make.
There are two friends from our group who have recently come out of a relationship. At this point, there's only one two guys who are in relationships.
They've indulged in sexual activities. Actually, nearly all the guys in our group have engaged in sexual activity.
(My apologies for outing you like this)
It makes me wonder what does that make of their past relationships?
For what is a relationship? It seems as though a relationship is just sex with an emotional connection attached to it.
That's where the issue arises. If you prioritise sex above everything else, you are placing the short-term above the long-term.
What game do you want to play?
If the goal is to eventually get married, why not cut to the chase?
You want to have your cake and eat it too? To indulge in pleasure with meaningless encounters?
That is where I see the tension? Between these two goals.
Really, you're going to have the most amount of sex inside a committed relationship. Don't quote me on this, but the most amount of sex being had in the world by religious married couples.
To have marriage is a safe environment where you can reveal each other's flaws without the threat of disbandment.
Try having sex with someone you are only casually seeing.
Our Relationship With The Eternal
The idea that Jordan Peterson comes across in The Biblical scripture is you want to play games that serve you now, a week, a month, a year, and the divinity proposes is for eternity.
The relationship you're in, is it good for now? Or good for the future?
Also, the ring is meant to be polarising in a way. It's subtle due to its small size. Fo what's the story with the ring?
"It's a symbol for my upward aim for my future family and disregard hedonistic short term pleasure".
Either you're for that statement, or you're against. With my future wife, I'd hope she leaned towards sharing the same values.
That's the trap I might fall into. Feeling lonely enough that I take any woman who finds me attractive yet has her aims towards the short term.
What purpose is served if I enter such relationship?
How can I play a game where I get rewarded now, and the future?
There's utility in having the same partner. As Alex Hormozi says it,
"You're trading novelty for loyalty."
All this thought over a single ring.
That's why symbols are powerful man! You can encapsulate intricate string of ideas represented by a central point.
A simple silver for now. Gold for our wedding bands.
And I'm not naive to know that I'm the first date they'd be open to the idea of marriage. There's a lot of vetting on both of our parts to see if we are worthy partners to serve the marriage.
One of the questions asked is when do you want kids. That then gives you an indirect answer to when you want to get married.
BONUS: Where Did I Buy The Ring?
I was quite fortunate during my trip in Japan to run into another Australian. When we met, it was her last week in Japan, and we ended up hanging out.
There was a jewellery shop we visited to get her sister a gift. At this point, I already ordered a Japanese stainless steel ring from Amazon that was stainless steel. The cool thing about this shop was that everything was handcrafted.
In the back of my mind,
"There's a chance that ring from Amazon won't fit. I might as well get one here."
The ring I was set on was the simple silver wedding band that the Japanese wore. It's thin compared to traditional rings, but I like the subtly of it.
I ended up getting fitted by the jeweller designer himself.
"It's not very common. But very simple."
For real silver and the character of the ring, I bought it.
So, if you are in Tokyo and want to check out a cool place for unique jewellery pieces, I've linked it below.
