Going Through Your 'Hoe Phase'

I was sitting at an empty food center, eating enchiladas with a friend. We reflected on the casual sex culture.

We see that among our group, after a break up, they will start sleeping around. A sort of way to get back at the other person. Eventually, they find someone they fancy and establish a long term relationship with them.

For it is just a phase. Because, the ultimate ends is a committed relationship, is it not?

For both men and women, the more people you sleep with, the lower in value you become.

And don't give me the,

"If a key can open lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock can be opened by lots of keys, then it's a bad lock."

It's a double standard, my friend.

For both men and women, by easily giving yourself up signals immaturity and a lack of understanding of responsibilities and consequences.

That is what I'm afraid.

If I went down such a path that my future wife makes it an objection. And, I would not blame her.

If someone has a inclination to sleep around as past behaviour, then it would also reflect in future behaviour.

Let alone, getting physical with someone makes, A, things complicated and, B, puts the cart before the horse.

By placing physical intimacy more important than emotional connection, you are doomed to objectify the other party.

Yet, I'm not saying sex is bad.

My friend emphasised that sex is a good thing. Yes. It's a good thing if you can contain it.

A social institution like marriage was the God given solution for this problem. You place more importance on the emotional connection of your partner, then integrating the enjoyment of physical intimacy that can strengthen the bond already established by emotional intimacy.

For if you sleep with someone, without first making a long-term/life-long commitment, you risk pair bonding with an individual who is not the right fit.

Another comment, emotional manipulation. And, the childishness of sleeping around.

There is a common pattern of men (and perhaps women as well) going through multiple short-term flings after a long-term relationship.

And, with an emotional numbness, blame their previous relationship for 'fucking them up' and turning them into the monster that takes advantage of people's bodies for their own pleasure.

A little provocative?

If one does not understand the significance of sex, they are doomed to parade their sexuality as a means of attention, validation and feeding of the ego. Using someone else for your own means.

So yes, excuse my inability to see the casualness of sex.

And I see this pattern which makes me ask,

"Why not stop it?"

I can't remember the exact study, the people who have the largest body counts most will sleep around with those who have the largest body couunts.

So, you end up having like the top 10% of people who sleep around sleeping with each other, where the normal population might only have 1-3 sexual partners in their lifetime.

Is it my obligation to judge these people and condemn them?

Or, is it realising that I cannot control these broken people from trying to fill the God-shaped hole in their hearts?

And these same people are some of my friends.

(One, I can truly think of)

For what reward is there in sleeping around?

The momentary victory over someone's body?

"You're taking it too seriously, Denzil."

I can see the fun in it. Yet, it's short term. An empty feeling after a momentary experience of pleasure. And for what? The awkwardness to see the person again? To treat they never exist?

You did the most intimate thing another human can experience. And, now you will avoid them. Fearing in getting hurt. Or, wanting to take the power of the one hurting.

It's better to be a perpetrator than a victim. To catch feelings is to admit the other party has power.

Apologies, for a moment I entered a dark place.

What positive spin can I see from this?

I find it endearing that my mother prayers for her sons to have good God-fearing wives.

If a person goes around sleeping with everyone, it's not something to envy.

You are getting jealous over a traumatised person who acts out their vindictive behaviour by using people.

So, perhaps the north star that allows for course correction is having God, your future wife and children in mind.

Do good by them.